


such a sight to see

by sweetxtangerine



Series: i'm so ready [1]
Category: In the Heights - Miranda
Genre: M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Pining, Porn, honestly y'all this is so sinful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-30
Updated: 2016-04-30
Packaged: 2018-06-05 08:51:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6698113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetxtangerine/pseuds/sweetxtangerine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Usnavi, hopelessly in love with Benny, needs a little stress relief so he watches porn.</p><p>If he’s gonna think about his best friend while getting off, he’s gonna do it right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	such a sight to see

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LuckyGirl17](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuckyGirl17/gifts).



It’s two o’clock on a Sunday and Usnavi is stressed. He doesn’t need to be stressed, really; the bodega is attended as it's Sonny’s shift that afternoon and his own day off. He has nothing going on, and money isn’t too tight. He is, though, in love with Benny, which every time he thinks about makes his stomach flutter before churning in tight coils. He’d wake up early most mornings anxious about it. What if he lets it slip? What if he doesn't ever tell him? Would Benny hate him if he found out?

So, he’s stressed.

It’s two o’clock on a Sunday and Usnavi doesn’t have any immediate responsibilities so he grabs a pillow or two, checks the locks on the door (if Sonny comes back for any reason he’ll hear the lock shaking before Sonny can actually burst in), grabs his laptop, brings it over to the sofa, and starts rubbing himself lightly through his pants as he boots it up.

He’s half interested, his cock half hard, the outline thickening as he touches himself, and after a minute the laptop’s awake and he has a browser up.

He hits a few keys and pulls up an incognito window and types Pornhub into his browser. (If Sonny borrows his laptop he’d rather save himself the embarrassment if something comes up as a suggested hit). A moment later, the thumbnails are loading and he’s leaning back into the sofa, using his right hand to work the trackpad, his left to work himself.

A few clicks and he’s looking through categories. Half the hits repulse him, the other half arouse him despite his better judgement; young women kneeling in front of the camera, mouths wide, eyes wet, faces streaked with come; a man with his eyes scrunched up in what could be either pain or ecstasy as one man fucks his ass, another man grabbing at his hair and forcing his entire cock down the man’s throat; three ladies intertwined with each other, two of them working on getting off the third while one works on her nipples and the other eats her out.

It’s enough to get him hard just from the visual stimuli and after another moment he’s narrowed it down just to masturbation videos.

It’s ten kinds of fucked up, he knows, but he loves watching videos of men who look like they could be Benny getting themselves off. It’s weird and he knows it’s wrong but he just wants Benny, wants to imagine Benny, wants to picture what his cock looks like, how his hands look as he strokes himself to climax…

And since he can’t have Benny, he’ll take whatever he can even if it means jerking himself off at two o’clock on a Sunday to the thought of his best friend as he tries to internalise his fucked up battle with the morality of the situation and being in love with a best friend who won’t love him back.

He’s gone through two pages now and he’s not found one yet. There are a lot with bad lighting, a few of skinny white boys who couldn’t be further from Benny, and quite a number who have their faces visible, which he’s not into. If he want’s to imagine it’s Benny, he doesn’t need the proof it’s not staring into the camera.

Then he finds one. Amateur upload, framed from the neck down, a tall-looking guy who is positively _cut_ , shirtless with a nice happy trail leading the eye down to the bulge in his grey sweatpants and he has beautiful hands. Really beautiful, large hands. And though the video is a little overexposed, his skin tone looks almost the same as Benny’s. Usnavi clicks on it.

If he’s gonna think about his best friend while getting off, he’s gonna do it right.

The video starts and he makes it fullscreen. The man in the video is laying down on a sofa, too, and his sweatpants are absolutely sinful on that body. He starts by stroking himself through the fabric. His hand dips down to cup his balls and then rubs up again, running a thumb along his growing length.

Usnavi mirrors what he sees, rubbing his thumb along his own cock.

After a minute, the man in the video shoves his hand down his pants and lets out a moan as he grabs himself. He lifts his hips a little and pulls his sweatpants down to his thighs. He’s beautiful, groomed neatly with a thick, uncut cock. He’s not even fully hard and he already looks like he could fill Usnavi up nicely, which makes Usnavi’s head swim a little at the thought.

He swirls his thumb around the head, rubbing the slit, drawing out a bead of precome, and Usnavi does the same. He’s already wet, the head of his cock throbbing a little.

The man in the video is noisy, grunting with each twist of his wrist, pumping himself up to full length and Usnavi matches his pace, painfully hard. It’s not long before the man is fucking into his own fist, moaning and cursing, a sweep of the thumb over the head almost every thrust, slicking his length with the beads of precome that have now started dripping down his gorgeous cock.

Usnavi’s eyebrows are knit, he’s biting his own lip, and he hovers the cursor over the bar at the bottom of the video to see how much time is left. He wants to come when this guy does, wants to imagine it’s him and Benny getting each other off, and as guilty as that thought should make him feel, right now it only makes him feel even more aroused by how filthy it actually is.

The man is moaning loudly, the hand not on his cock rubbing at his nipples and then trailing down, brushing his navel and then slips between his legs to lightly finger his asshole.

Usnavi’s getting close now, he knows he needs to hold back or he’s gonna come a minute too early and he wants to ride this high, wants to come when this man comes because it feels so fucking wrong and that’s exactly what he needs right now.

He tilts his head back and he closes his eyes because he wants to picture Benny, wants to imagine it’s him, in the flesh, touching himself like that man, moaning like him, working himself open like that man (which the man in the video has started to do, started to press two fingers into himself, moaning like a slut as he does it).

He opens his eyes again and chokes. Smacks the trackpad immediately to pause it and then his stomach flips because it _can’t_ be.

In the moment Usnavi’s eyes were closed, the man had rolled over a little so that the viewer could better watch him fuck himself on his fingers, and that’s all the angle change it needed.

Usnavi can see his tattoo now. The tattoo on his arm. Benny’s tattoo.

Fuck. _Fuck_.

A series of emotions flash through Usnavi; intense arousal, disgust, disbelief, mostly just disbelief.

But the tattoo on the man’s arm is Benny’s tattoo, and he knows damn well that he’s not wrong because he went with Benny when he got it done.

What started as vague but arousing guilt has just reached a whole new level.

He’s fucking watching Benny get himself off. This is Benny, this is Benny, this is Benny’s gorgeous body and beautiful cock and beautiful hands and he gets to watch him fuck himself on those fingers, moan in pleasure, touch himself, stroke himself, make himself feel so, so good. He wants Benny to touch him like that. Open him up and fuck him rough. He wants to be the reason Benny moans like that, he’ll be a hole for Benny to fuck if it means he gets to hear those noises.

This is so fucking wrong. A weird sort of voyeurism that should make Usnavi go to a confessional rather than inspire one of the greatest boners of his life.

_However._

It’s not like Usnavi went through Benny’s computer to try and find private videos of him. It’s a personal upload on a public site.

Is it weird? Yes. An invasion of privacy? Probably. Ten kinds of fucked up? Ten seems insufficient.

But Usnavi is so close, so painfully close, his cock leaking, head swollen, balls tight. He just needs to finish it. Finish it and then internalise everything it makes him feel (and maybe bookmark it) and then just move on with his life. He already knows it’s Benny, it’s not gonna make him any more awkward than he’s already about to be.

He presses play again and Benny’s moans resume.

Benny’s fucking himself on three fingers now and he’s so loud, so beautiful. His cock is slick with precome and his balls looks so tight, so close. He keeps fucking himself, keeps thrusting into his fist, and the way his arms look, the muscle, his tattoo, he’s just so beautiful.

Usnavi throws his head back but he’s not going to close his eyes again, he needs to see this, to watch the way Benny’s muscles are moving, to know how Benny likes it.

He’s so close. He won’t come until Benny does, though, and-

“Usnavi!”

When he hears his voice, his instinct is to throw the laptop across the room but knows he can’t afford to break it, so he pauses the video instead, slams the lid down and pulls his pants up quickly.

Is Sonny back early, he wonders, or has someone stopped by? He definitely just heard his name.

He tries to make himself look presentable despite the obvious tent in his pants but no one comes. No knock at the door.

He tiptoes over to the peephole to look out, but there’s no one out there, either.

Maybe he’s just on edge, maybe he imagined it? Maybe this is what he gets for sinning so damn hard.

But he’s already come this far.

After another minute when he’s certain no one’s around (he really doesn’t need Sonny to walk in on him jacking off on the sofa), he opens his laptop back up and resumes the video.

He’s gotten a little soft in his moment of terror, but now with Benny’s body back on display, his hand wrapped around his leaking cock, it takes him only a moment to pump back up to full length.

He hits play, and fucks furiously into his fist as he watches Benny writhe and moan.

“Usnavi-,” he hears again, and he freezes.

And this time he realises what he hears.

It’s not Sonny. It’s not a neighbor. It’s not a friend stopping by.

“God, Usnavi-”

Benny’s voice on the video is barely louder than a choked whisper when he first speaks and it’s so deep, so rough, so fucking hot.

Usnavi has to stop himself from coming right there.

“Usnavi, babe, god!” Benny cries out, fingering himself even harder, deeper, pumping his cock more furiously.

At this point, Usnavi has no desire to think. No desire to parse things out and analyse them, decipher what it means that his best friend who he is madly in love with has just uploaded a porno vid in which he calls Usnavi’s name.

Usnavi just wants to come.

“Usnavi, Usnavi, fuck, Usnavi I-” Benny is shouting his name until it doesn’t sound like his name, till it’s entirely incoherent and beautiful and he rolls over so he’s completely on his back again.

He climaxes screaming Usnavi’s name, hot streaks of come shooting across his chest, stroking himself relentlessly through it until he’s spent and it’s too much for Usnavi.

Usnavi comes, too, harder than he has in the longest time, messing up his shirt and stomach and probably his life, too, to some degree.

God.

Usnavi takes a shower and tries to figure out what just happened. He watched a porno vid of Benny. A porno vid of Benny who he wanted to imagine was Benny before he knew for a fact that it was, which would have been the biggest thing to throw him off in probably a decade if it weren’t for Benny screaming his name when he came.

Fuck.

It’s half past two on a Sunday and he’s gonna need to deal with this at some point and talk to Benny because there’s no way he’s gonna be able to pretend nothing happened, no way he can feign nonchalance after Benny indirectly gave him one of the best orgasms of his life (which is not the way he’s going to bring up the conversation).

Maybe it’s going to be ok.

His stomach flutters.

Maybe it’ll be ok.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm a sinner, not a writer, and i've never sinned this hard before


End file.
